The Fear of Happiness

Source: psych2go

Phobia, in layman terms, means fear. Cherophobia is the fear of happiness. We human beings are very vulnerable and fragile and thus there are certain life events that leave a scar on our mind and never truly heal. Cherophobia is a result of such events.

Source: leannesawchuk

There are many people who are afraid to be happy because they think something bad will happen. This is normal. This is a result of some past traumatic experience that has never truly healed. It is not always so that all happy days ends on a bad note, but repeated experiences forces us to believe that whenever we are too happy, something bad will happen. For example if you are happy and you start to dance, suddenly your shoe breaks. You have happily planned a trip with your friends, suddenly someone ditches and the plan fails. You are excited about going for a movie with your girlfriend, and you end up fighting. There are many such things that lead us to believe such things.

This is merely a case of selective perception. We pick the negatives out of negative things. Simply, we see what we want to see and don't try to apply any logic to things or events. Sometimes you begin withdrawing yourself from things or people who make you happy and hold yourself in a shell. This is the symptom of depression and yet again let me remind, depression is not a bad thing, not talking about it with someone is. Sometimes you lead yourself to believe that you are not meant to be with people because people often walk away from you. Sometimes a similar notion is formed about relationships as well.

Source: The fourth revolution

Here, you will try to make yourself believe that you have either all of these or nothing of these. Ask yourself if you are afraid of being happy? Do you think something bad will happen if you are too happy?

This isn't a big problem but it can have adverse psychological effects if not taken care of. All you need to do is change your perception and have faith. Don't just see the thorns in the rose, enjoy its smell and tenderness as well. Nothing is meant to go wrong unless you attract it. Indulge yourself more in happy and pleasant activities and people as well. Don't cordon yourself from happy corners. I'd rather die than to live in fear and that too fear of happiness. Nothing will go wrong. Maybe last time the stars weren't properly aligned in your favour, but don't worry, even the stars twinkle before they fall.

Be happy, happiness will follow. Believe, and the doors to the secret chambers shall open. Embrace the light, and bid adieu to darkness for ever after. Be fearless, and the shadows will lose the black.

Decisions- Double edged sword

Decisions are a part and parcel of life and at each stage you will be forced to make a decision. It's the decision we make, that shape our life and future. One bad choice can result in a downfall and one tough choice can change your life you would have never imagined.
 Whatever be the case one thing is sure, you are bound to make decisions.
When we are given choices, we generally end up making a bad one and when there are situations where there is a dispute between heart and mind, consider following things:

1) Regret: Whatever decision you are going to make, think about what you are going to regret more after 5 years? Taking the decision now or not taking the decision.

2) Listen to your heart: Often you will be surrounded by advices and suggestions, but keeping those aside, ask yourself what you really want for yourself?

3) Ask why?: Ask yourself why are you making the decision? Is it out of fear, anger, or some other emotion or is it sensible? 

4) Consider the outcome: Decisions have a cause and causes have ends, so when you make a decision, make sure you consider the end as well. Keep your head steady and sight clear. If you want to save for some pair of clothes, buying an iphone doesn't make sense.

5) The circle of agendas: One decision impacts many lives, so whenever you make a decision, consider its impact on every relation concerned with it. Don't let anyone influence you for their agenda and don't compromise your feelings, needs and desires to please anyone.

6) The Burden: Tough decisions bring lots of criticism with them and a certain amount of guilt as well. So, whenever you make a decision make sure you can free yourself from all the burden and not feel guilty about it. After all, you are doing it for your own good!

Fighting the taboo of Depression

According to merriam-webster dictionary, the definition of depression is,"A psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies".

It is words like 'disorder' that makes depression a taboo in India and the reason why the people suffering from depression end up in wrong places doing wrong things. Depression doesn't just mean the feeling of "End of the world", depression has many other faces. And whether you are aware or not, you too might have been suffering from depression. I researched about depression and realized, I was a victim too and the sole reason for writing this article is to overcome the taboo related to depression.

What are the general signs of depression?

• Guilt & other things: When things go wrong, you tend to give up on everything, be it people, things etc. There is so much hopelessness in you, that you feel nothing is going to work for you. You burden yourself with guilt and self-doubt.
• Change in behavior: You become irritated, angry, restless and sometimes start to live secluded from everybody. Your tolerance becomes zero and you behave like a freak.
• Changes in routine: You start to lose sleep, you think a lot, you start losing interest in activities and spend most of the time thinking about crap (Negative things).
• Psychological impact: Depression is a like a cloud shrouding a mountain. It makes you lose your head, impacts your mental functions like concentration, decision making, memorizing things etc.
• Physical impact: There are visible changes in your body weight in a short time. Also, you get exhausted quickly and run out of energy accompanied with body aches.

Things people do & say in depression:

• Talking about hurting or killing oneself.
• Cut-off ties with friends and loved ones.
• Frustration with hopelessness.
• Living like on a suicide mission.
• Mood swings.
• Extreme cynicism about oneself.

Common reasons for depression:

• Family issues
• Financial issues
• Social issues
• Health issues
• Career issues
• Marital/Relationship issues
• Issues pertaining to work
• Criticism & peer pressure
• Mental or Physical abuse
• Traumatic experiences

There is nothing wrong with depression, but making it look wrong is wrong. It is not in anybody's control. Depression is not a disorder, it is just a phase and a state of mind which can be overcome with some love, care, warmth, and support. Also, depression is not always extreme, there are different levels and types of depression. If you think you are facing any of the symptoms above, if you find any signs of depression in you, don't hesitate to talk about it. There are many NGO's and organizations as well working to help people with depression. There is a government helpline as well for people suffering from depression and anxiety.

We are like a pressure cooker, we have to let the air out regularly else we will explode. I suffered from almost everything listed above. I cut myself from everyone for around 3 months and there was a complete change in me in every sense- physically, mentally, socially. I didn't feel like talking to people, I lost many friends, I didn't go to college and academics sucked. At that time I didn't know I was depressed but thankfully I talked and something helped me rejuvenate.  I don't have any pathological condition. That was a phase in my life which is now over forever because I talked. Change your lifestyle a bit, know yourself and talk to people, life is complex but it can be handled. There will be a void, there will be hopelessness, you will think your world has ended, but a war is fought till the last men. 

Our lives and lifestyle currently are so unhealthy that we all are prone to depression. Our eating habits, our daily routine, our ambitions, our struggles, our peer pressure, criticisms we face, our needs, our wants, everything plays an important role and we are so fragile that we can succumb to any of these things. We don't talk about these things because we are afraid that people will think of us as mentally ill, also we do not seek help from professionals. Not everyone is lucky to have a support in their life, so put aside the taboo and seek help. 

Here's the link to Deepika Padukone's interview with NDTV where she breaks the stigma around depression: http://www.ndtv.com/india-news/full-transcript-lets-talk-depression-deepika-padukones-story-748527

You can find all the facts and figures as well in her interview. If she can talk, why can't we? There is more to lose by remaining silent, rather than talking it out.

PS: Every information provided above are based on my research from various other articles. 

Shades of Grey

Topic credit: Hima modi

Life is beautiful because it is colourful but when it comes to judgement we are stuck on black and white. But is the world full of black and white? Or is it grey? 

Every set of eyes on this planet has it's own way of seeing and perceiving a thing, a situation or a person and for them that is their white and any other persons opinions and  perception, which are in disagreement with them is black. 

Every person has their own set of right and wrong because every person has a different understanding. For eg. If a bf misses a date with the gf because his mother was unwell, one kind of gf with empathise with him and the other kind will accuse him of making an excuse. For somebody cheating in exams is okay, for some it is not. For some tax evasion is okay, for some it isn't. For some a working woman is pride, for some it isn't. We like somebody because we can accept their flaws and we might not like somebody because we cannot accept their flaws. 

There are many such examples where there are clashes of opinions and perceptions, but that is not the bad part. The bad part is that we try to impose our opinions and perceptions on others. We want everyone to see the world from our eyes, but hello good morning, we are all free to make our own choices. If somebody has different opinions from us doesn't necessarily mean they are wrong, they are just different. And respecting the "difference" is a key thing to any relationship. Discussions about varied perceptions is good, but entering argument to prove a point isn't. You cannot change everybody's opinions and perceptions about something because it's futile. But if something is wrong and should be changed, then there should be no stone left unturned. 

A change begins with one voice and a change comes when many voices becomes one.

For most of the people, the world is black and white, but everything else lies in between which we call "grey". Grey is the difference and grey has to be respected. You cannot take a war to everyone who is of different opinion and perception than yours, but you surely can find a common ground which is grey. 

So, is the world better as black and white? Or is it better as grey?

7 Getaways from Ahmedabad in Gujarat

Who doesn't need a break from daily routines and tiresome cities? Everybody does. So especially for Amdavadi's, here are some getaways. Pack your bags and drive off.

1) Champaner-Pavagadh

www.wellnessgospel.com

Champaner-Pavagadh archeological park is declared a world heritage site by UNESCO. It's located at a distance of around 150 km from Ahmedabad, 50 km from Vadodara. It's a paradise for history lovers and architects with palaces, arches, tombs and temples. You can stay at the Champaner heritage resort and enjoy your weekend and enjoy the points of interest.

2) Gir 

Gujarat tourism

Gir forest national park is the sole shelter to Asiatic Lions, but Gir has more to it beyond the king of the animal kingdom. Gir national park is 382 km away from Ahmedabad and is a good destination for a road trip. Beyond Lions, enthusiasts can find many species of flora and fauna here like hyenas, antelopes etc.

3) Dholavira

Source: Gujarat Tourism

Dholavira is one the most prominent archeological site and one the biggest site to contain the ruins of Indus valley civilization. This site has a lot of stories to tell and you have lots of history to grasp. Dholavira is at a distance of 368 km from Ahmedabad. An off-beat destination that is worth your time.

4) Diu

Source: Gujarat tourism

Diu is Gujarat's own mini Goa. Earlier a Portuguese colony, Diu is now a budding holiday destination with it's forts, churches, caves and beaches which still have the traces of Portuguese architecture. Diu is located 362 km away from Ahmedabad and if you are in a mood for leisure and romance, Diu awaits you.

5) Kutch

Source: Tour my India

Kutch is one of the most beautiful natural wonders with it's white salt desert and historical grandiosity. After the Gujarat tourism promotions, Kutch has emerged as a top choice among Indian and foreign nationals. Rannotsav festival, which is organized from December to February attracts tourists from all over the world. Also, wild ass sanctuary and flamingo sanctuary are a major attraction beyond Kutch's culture, tradition, surreal beauty, art & crafts. Bhuj is a home to a couple of beautiful palaces and Mandvi beach is a must visit. Do not forget to visit Dhordo village en route. Kutch is 400 km away from Ahmedabad and the later part of the journey is a great road trip.

6) Nadiad-Anand

Source: Boulevard9

Nadiad and Anand are small centers between Ahmedabad and Vadodara. Nadiad is 47 km from Ahmedabad and Anand is 74 km from Ahmedabad. Between Anand and Nadiad, there are many resorts located like second innings home, Boulevard9, Madhuban etc. So, if you are looking for a relaxing escape, pick a resort between Anand & Nadiad.


7) Dwarka-Porbandar-Somnath

Source: Travel India

Gujarat's coastal region is one of the lesser explored places and trust me, it's not worth missing. From Dwarka to Diu, there are many tourism spots on Gujarat's coast. Dwarka is a major pilgrimage destination and is believed to be the kingdom of Lord Krishna. Porbandar is the birthplace of Mahatma Gandhi and is a major trading destination today. Somnath is the first among twelve jyotirling shrines of Lord Shiva. This trip is a mix of adventure and pilgrimage. Also, the beaches are beautiful here. Dwarka is 441 km from Ahmedabad, a long journey but you wouldn't regret it.

So, when are you leaving?

Second chance?

“The first time people show you who they are, believe them.”

People change, but only their priorities, they cannot change who they are. A scorpion cannot resist from biting. So when a person show their true color to you, you have to understand the capabilities of the person and the darkness in their characters.

The journey from adolescence to adulthood has been one hell of a ride. I have lost many friends who i thought were forever. But life so far, has taught me second chances are costly.

The person who has betrayed you once, will not refrain from doing it again. It's in their character. Most of the people out there have their own agendas, own priorities and own motives. It's like tying an anchor to your feet and expecting others to sink. If you keep mean people in your life knowingly, they will be instrumental in your destruction. Blind trust can be fatal so trust but verify. Gone are the days of  innocence and friendships without motives. It's a rare occurrence.

I neither believe in forgive and forget nor in second chances. I am very naive and trusting and i welcome you with open arms and i will put my heart before you. 

But if you mess with me or show insincerity towards me, then we are simply done. I am a peaceful person and hate limelight, so there will be no drama, no action, just an end.

I can handle petty things but if you decide to cheat me, backstab me or take me for granted then I will walk out straightaway.

Some losses are heavy but no loss is irreparable or irreplaceable. Sometimes when i meet or come across the people i have lost, there is strange pinch in the heart but it's just for a while. The flashback always ruins the present.

But still there are no second chances with me and it is for my own good. I cannot blame anyone else if let such people stay in my life and ruin it. It's easy to move on. Empty spaces can be filled but bruised heart cannot be healed. 

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. 

I still sometimes think about giving them a second chance, but then there is another thought "Are they really worth it?" People are selfish, people seek convenience and people have priorities and i am fine with it, but i am not a toy to play with or to entertain you. Whatever regrets i had about losing people evaporated quickly when I realized how important i am for myself and how damaging they were for me. 

If you don't love and respect yourself, who will?

Though there will be some people whom you cannot resist to give chances again and again no matter how damaging they are. I regret those decisions. But for everyone else there are no second chances because i put myself above everything else.

Quarter life crisis?

We all share a common thing which is quarter life crisis and that's why I feel, we will connect better.

Quarter life crisis is a phase where you find everything useless and every action futile. You indulge in self doubt and you endure a great deal of uncertainty about your future. You doubt your actions, choices and decisions. 

The career choice you have made suddenly has a question mark because you feel your efforts aren't taking you anywhere. You start to think (rather doubt) about your career and it's prospects. The life shaping decisions you have made pertaining to people, friends, job etc. won't let you settle down. 

We think we are working hard, we are struggling to cope up with the circumstances of our life, but it's not the case. We are going through a process and for a fruitful future, we need to trust the process. We are yet to face the struggles of real life and we are yet to work hard. We have to decide what we want to become, a doormat or a matador. Evolution, change and growth are all a lengthy process and after the process is over, the real challenge starts. This is a testing and cleansing phase where you are tried and tested. 

So calm down. There is nothing wrong with you, your career, your life and your decisions. It's just a sandstorm that's making your vision blurry, give it time to settle down and you will have edens before you. If you want to see how your life shapes up, go with the process and don't quit.

Anything and everything that can go wrong, will go wrong and let it be that way. For anything to rise, it has to fall first, for anything to be right, it has to be wrong first. So again, trust the process.

Everything will fall in place when the time is right.

"Don't you worry child, see heavens got a plan for you.."

Why to have a Bucket list?

Daily life is stressful and monotonous but to keep going we need something motivating, something inspiring, something exciting, something that drives you not to give up.

Most of the times we don't know why we are doing what we are doing and that is why we need a goal to bring clarity in life.

Also, many a times while we are working towards our goal, we compromise on our dreams. A bucket list is a perfect way to remind you of it.

You should exactly know what you're working for in life.

A bucket list is a simple to-do list with extraordinary wishes, desires and dreams. As good it is to have a bucket list, it is also important to see not to let it get on your nerves and depress you.

All said and done, why you should have a bucket list?

Remember your goals/dreams:

Sometimes we get so overworked in life that we lose track of our dreams, goals and aspirations. A bucket list will constantly keep on reminding you what you want to do in your life.

Management and efficiency:

Once you know what you're working for in life, you bring discipline in your life naturally. You work efficiently and try to manage your finances, time in the best possible way.

Excitement in life: 

When you cross a thing on your bucket list it's a wonderful feeling. The sense of accomplishment and achievement sends a chill down the spine and it's a must have experience.

Overcoming shortfalls:

When you are not able to cross a thing on your list, you introspect and try to find a solution to the problem. 

Happiness, memories, and purpose:

It's not always necessary to have big things on your list, sometimes little things bring more happiness.

Things like writing a poem once, buying an old radio, gifting something to parents etc. these things may sound small, but the happiness achieved in immeasurable. Though you might not achieve everything on the list, but you will live a memorable life with whatever you have achieved.

TIP: Don't let the pressure of bucket list get on your nerves. It is meant to drive you towards your goals and dreams and keep up the excitement, not to drive you towards depression.

Excerpts from my bucket list:

• Learn photography
• Write something- DONE
• At least 2 trips a year- In Progress
• No job, only business- DONE
• Buy something for everyone from first income: DONE
• Make a business plan: DONE
• Help somebody: DONE
• Try something new every year: Recurring
• Learn a musical instrument
• Expand car collection to 35
• Collect 50 books
• Stay away from FB: DONE 
• Own a Mercedes
• Travel lavishly
• Have bodyguards

So have you made your bucket list yet?

My Travel Bucket List - 1

Friend  "What is your goal in life?" 

Me:      "I want to travel the world"

Friend: "Who doesn't want to?"

Friend: "What different are you going to do?"

Me:      "I don't know!"

But now I know and that is why I have started working towards my travel bucket list.

Here is the first list prepared:

An autumn in London

 Migration at Serengeti

Source: National Geographic

Private candlelight dinner in Bali

Source: Redperiscope

Lazing around in Santorini

Source: mrwallpapers

Road trip in Spain

Source: Tripoto

Exploring the history of Prague

Source: Deviantart

Romance in Paris

Source: Fourseasons hotel

Dive in Maldives

Northern lights

Explore Himalayas

Soak at Bora Bora

Feeling itchy? Got dancing feet? 

What are you waiting for? 

Pack your bags and explore

Wait for second list..:)

Travel Bug

Are you bitten by something called "Wanderlust"? Yes? No? Don't know? Well here are the symptoms that will help you decide whether you suffer from it or not!

 You have a "Bucket list" for travel.

Source: Lee abba monte

Long weekends are blessing for you.

You always have a list to choose from.

You immediately start planning your next trip after returning from a trip.

Source: Smedia

You keep aside a fund for traveling.

Escaping routine becomes a must for you.

Source: Tumblr

Everything can wait, travel can't.

You have a travel playlist.

You always have a reason to travel.

Source: ScoopWhoop

Stamps, tickets, souvenirs and photographs become your treasure.

Source: Smitchell

You will search for off-beat and unconventional places.

Source: Wallpaper-download

You don't follow an itinerary, you make one.

You are always enthusiastic to share your knowledge and experience.

Source: Gapyear

You have your own travel book / diary.

Traveling completes you.

So, do you think you suffer from wanderlust?

Source: The traveling lady in combat boots

Udaipur: The city of lakes

City palace, Udaipur

Udaipur, the name itself has something enchanting about it. As duly called the city of lakes, Udaipur is a 4 hrs drive from Ahmedabad. The best season to visit the city is monsoon with lush green outfields along the road with dark clouds dominating the sky.

Udaipur is surely about luxury, but it can also be enjoyed in a limited budget. There are many budget hotels in Udaipur, but so far Jaiwana haweli has been my favorite choice. It is located in the heart of the city, on the banks of Pichhola lake and a stone’s throw away from the city palace. It is the perfect location to enjoy the magnanimity of Udaipur without hurting your pockets.

Jag Mandir

Evening view of City Palace from Ambrai Ghat 

Perfect place for car lovers and food lovers

The best itinerary would be to reach Udaipur around lunch. On the first day, you can treat yourself at Vintage & classic car collection museum which is a 10 mins walk from the city palace. Use of personal vehicle should be avoided in in Udaipur, given its narrow lanes and congestion. But before heading for lunch you should collect the entry passes for palace visit from the city palace. (TIP: Carry student’s ID card for concessional rates). If you are a car fanatic, the vintage museum holds some of the masterpieces that were once driven by the royals themselves which include Mercedes, Cadillac, and Rolls-Royce etc. The food there has an authentic taste and is worth a shot. Post lunch head for the City palace. City palace has its own opulence and rustic charm. A complete tour of the palace will take about 2-3 hours and don’t forget to hire a guide. The palace carries the whole history of the Rajput rulers and the proof of their grandeur. It’s one of the best photography spot and a history lover’s paradise. After the city palace tour, you can visit dudh talai, which is a 5 mins walk and enjoy the lake view. The other best alternative is to visit light and sound show and get a chance to capture the City palace at night. There are two shows every night each lasting for about an hour. You can buy your tickets from the palace itself. After city palace, head for Gangaur ghat, a short distance form the city palace. You will recognize the place instantly having seen it in movies like Ram-leela recently. Later in the evening, head for Ambrai Ghat before sunset to enjoy a picturesque view of Jag mandir palace, The city palace and Lake Pichola. Spend some time on the steps of the ghat and watch the lights of palace come up as the sun goes down. It's a great spot to take a time lapse video. For vegetarian dinner, Natraj dining hall or Sankalp is a good option.

Gangaur Ghat

View of the City palace from Pichola lake

View from Sajjangarh

Sajjangarh Palace

On the second day, you can go for boating in the morning. Boating packages from City palace or hotels will be costly, so pick up independent services from pichhola lake or near dudh talai (There is one just behind jaiwana haweli). You can also book a charter boat. It is the only way to capture the whole palace unless you’re staying in Taj or Udaivilas. From there, you can go to Baddi lake, but en route take a stop at Hathipole Market and try Kachori & Rabdi at Lala Mishtan Bhandar (LMB). Baddi lake is a secluded gem away from the city. The sight and the serenity of the place will hold your heart for a long time. After spending some quality time at the lake head to Sajjangarh-Monsoon palace. Sajjangarh palace is a short drive from city center. It lies on the top of a mountain and in it’s glorious days, it served as a monsoon getaway for the royals of Mewar. If you are lucky, you can enjoy a great weather up there. The view of Udaipur and Fatehsagar lake from atop is just picturesque and you literally feel on the top of the world. It’s a good spot for photography as well. On your way down you can visit Sajjangarh sanctuary as well if you are an animal lover or you can head straight to Fatehsagar lake for your Dinner. For Dinner at Fatehsagar I will be biased and specific. You have to try Bhaaji-paav at Vinod's and in the dessert you can enjoy the kullad rabdi. 

Baddi Lake

Baddi Lake

View of Lake palace from Jaiwana haweli

Breezer by the sunset

View of City palace at night from Hanuman ghat

After lunch, you can relax or shop traditional items from the bazaar. The best spot would be Hathi pol. You can buy leather jacket diaries, purses, shawls, artifacts, paintings and stuff. You can treat yourself at a bar watching the sun set and getting lost in its beauty. Later you can visit Bagore ki haweli and enjoy the folk dance or post dinner you can stroll down to Hanuman ghat and capture the City palace in its grandiosity at night. 

Archeological site at Polo forest

On the third day, you can head back home or visit Maharana Pratap memorial, Chetak memorial or Ahar- burying sites of Mewari royals and then return for your home. Another best option would be a detour to polo forest. The road that leads to polo forest via Vijaynagar will make you feel like you were in paradise. Covered by farms and small lakes on either side, the lush green paradise is worth a trip. You can enjoy trekking and photography there.

If you have spare time on either evenings, you can go for a folk show at Bagore ki Haveli near the city palace.

How to reach: 250 Km from Ahmedabad (3-4 hrs)

When to go: Monsoon & Winters

Where to stay: Jaiwana haweli (For budgeted tour)

Where to Shop: Hathipole market (Mojdis, artifacts and textiles)

How to explore: Best on foot

What to see: City palace, Vintage car museum, Baddi Lake, Sajjangarh, Fatehsagar, Boating at pichola

Where to eat: Sankalp, Natraj dining hall, Vintage car museum, Lala Mishtan Bhandar

Dinner with a view: Upre & Ambrai

Detour: Polo forest

Must do: Have a drink while watching sunset. Relish pav bhaji & rabdi at Fatehsagar